Top Tips for Communicating with an alienated child

Be kind and loving.

Focus on the present, not the past.

Focus on the love, not the loss.

Stay non-reactive to provocation. Stay calm.

Avoid those grief-ridden, heavy conversations.

Avoid accusations and anger.

Sometimes not responding is best.

Be careful how you communicate on social media platforms. Your alienated child might have cut off, but they might be watching . The alienating parent (and flying monkeys) might be watching too. Don’t post your grief, anger, etc. It can backfire.

Keep your expectations realistic.

Be grateful for what little you get – it’s not easy for them either.

Be the best you!

Be an example of how to live – respectful, loving, kind, considerate, happy …

Be interested in them as much as contact allows, but don’t barrage them with communication. Question, but don’t interrogate.

Don’t overpromise and then underdeliver – be reliable.

Please don’t say negative things about the other (alienating) parent.

Avoid talking about parental alienation – wait for them to ask the questions.

Your alienated child may not respond in the way you’d like, as quickly or at all. This is tremendously difficult, but we must remember they’ve been enmeshed and coercively controlled. It’s like they’re in a cult, and they’re afraid to break free. Or Stockholm Syndrome.

They may react with anger or emotional cut-off, but be patient, resilient, and loving.

The child is going through an emotionally traumatic experience too. This is not their autonomous, authentic behaviour.

Every opportunity to communicate your love and that you’re there for them, whenever they’re ready … that you are strong, you are not broken, you are happy, is all positive.